hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
