There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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