Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
