forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
