Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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