remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
