My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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