Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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