obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You have to summon your inner elephant
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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