He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
