dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize