i wish my penis had a tongue
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Randomize
