i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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