I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
as a side note pls kill me
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
