Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
