There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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