I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
