Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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