Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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