And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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