You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
