The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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