I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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