You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
