Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
