Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
She needs sedatives and a leash
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize