Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
