She said her name was "party"
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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