Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
