is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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