32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
