She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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