i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
