Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
as a side note pls kill me
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
