Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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