Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I want is dick and wine.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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