I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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