One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
