i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
