Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
