I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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