I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
