Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
