My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
