I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
