I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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