im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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