nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
