the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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