dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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