Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
