I feel like abortions should bother me more
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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