Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
