Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
The air was thick with penises
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
