u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
