But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
