she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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