he shaved USA in his pubs
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
