Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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