I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
