Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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