I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Randomize
