singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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