Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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