Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
