dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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