Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
